Evil BBQ
by The Crazy Talk Kid
Summary: Evil vilains from lots of different dimensions are having a BBQ and pieces of string.
1. Chapter 1

"Welcome villains, thugs, henchpeople, warlords, criminals, and _Napoleon Dynamite_ fans to the Inter-Reality Evil BBQ. I am Chuck the Dark Lord of Activity Directing for our loathed evil organization and I have a few announcements," Chuck said to the assembled bad guys.

"First off, I would like to thank Prince Phobos for bringing the Potato Salad," Chuck said pointing to prince waving Prince Phobos. He then got pelted with assorted deviled eggs and pieces of string.

"Next, I have been asked by Nerissa to tell everybody that if you try to kill her son she will destroy you," as Chuck was saying this Nerissa was staring down everybody that looked at her in her old woman form.

"Right… umm… anyway, we ask that nobody destroy and/or eat anyone else's minions (everybody groans loudly). I know, I know, but we would like to get our deposit back this year, MARTHA STEWART!!!" Chuck stares her down but gets scared and hides behind the podium when her start to glow red.

"Lastly, to the villains of the _Teen Titans, Kim Possible, Star Wars_, and assorted anime and sci-fi universes please move your hover vehicles to the east parking lot or you will be towed," he waited as the assorted bad guys got up to move their vehicles and then continued," To everybody left, please enjoy the food and after dinner we'll have our evil fashion show and then karaoke."

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"And so the rebel leader says 'please don't rip out my eyes'," Darth Vader finishes his joke and gets laughs from all of the villains at his table.

"That was a good one Darth," Phobos said wiping the tears from his eyes because he was laughing so much," I know how it feels to deal with pain in the ass rebels."

"Yeah, like you would know what that's like you lazy ass," Cedric said under his breath.

"What was that Cedric?!" Phobos asked angrily.

"Nothing. (Muttering under his breath) _Ass_," Cedric said.

"That's what I thought," said a very smug Phobos.

"How did you ever become a villain?" Slade asks.

"I was born to it you masked freak!" Phobos retorted.

"Leave him alone girly boy or I'll shank you," Martha Stewart said.

"Bring it, I'll take you both down," Phobos said and then stood up and pounded his chest.

"Knock it off over there you morons!" everyone at Phobos's table looked over at the table that had yelled at them. The other table held snake themed villains including but not limited to: Cobra Commander, Orochimaru, and Lord Voldemort.

"Take it back you scaly freaks or I'll show you the power of the dark side," Darth Vader taunted.

"Bring it on you asthmatic trashcan," Voldemort retorted.

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After that things got worse and all the villains stared an epic battle and the only one who left before the fight was Darth Vader. He walked down the road until he made it to a large clearing filled with various heroes and heroines of the various dimensions. They immediately asked how it went.

"It went very well everyone and," Darth took off his helmet revealing that he was in fact…," Blunk get all the tasty evil BBQ and get free piece of string."

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**And there you go. Random stuff that I just came up with. Sorry if it's not that good but I wrote it in five minutes.**

**Feel free to review and any suggestions on what I could do the next chapter would be welcome if I decide to do a next chapter. **


	2. Chapter 2

After the epic battle of evil, all of the evil villains were battered and bruised and many were wrapped in bandages. Phobos mysteriously only had a black eye but Cedric guessed that it was because he hid under a table. Martha Stewart had destroyed 14 of the anime villains in hand to hand combat and devoured them afterwards. The resort that the convention was being held at was in shambles.

"Well, this is just great," said Chuck the Dark Lord of Activity Directing," We lost our deposit because of you idiots and your not being able to play nice."

"But the club rules say that if we're nice we'll be eaten by Martha Stewart," said a _Napoleon Dynamite_ fan looking fearfully at Martha Stewart.

"That is true, but anyway…" Chuck continued," We also lost Darth Vader, has anyone seen him?"

"I'm right here," said Blunk dressed as Darth," These are my friends Henchy (Raven with fake horns on her head), Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat (Hay Lin wearing a top hat and a fake mustache), and Steve Newman from Canada (some random guy named Steve Newman from Canada)."

"Righttt… Anyway we have to…" Chuck was interrupted by another Darth Vader.

"I am the real Darth Vader you fools!!!" the real Darth Vader says," Oh yeah, and give me the plans to the rebel base."

Five random villains charge up and grab Blunk and take off his helmet to reveal Blunk. All the evil villains gasped in shock.

"And for Blunk's next impression… Jessie Owen," Blunk then ran like crazy down the road.

"Quick, head him off at the pass," said a random evil cowboy.

"Head him off at the pass," growled Hedley Lamar," I hate that clique."

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After chasing Blunk for a while, the villains gave up and didn't even realize that Steve, Raven, and Hay Lin where actually in disguise. One of the smart evil villains like Lex Luther or the guy who wrote _Fargo_ (the Fargo guy is more creepy than smart) came up with the idea that they should pick a leader. This caused chaos among them until Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat (Hay Lin) suggested they should vote on it. This was oddly met with approval.

"I nominate me," Martha Stewart said," If you pick me I'll make my special pudding and napkin swans for you and if you don't… **I'LL ROAST YOUR SOULS FOR ETERNITY YOU FILTHY LITTLE MAGGOTS**!!!"

"Okey dokey… any other nominations?" Chuck asked.

"I nominate Heady Lamar," said the cowboy from earlier.

"That's Hedley!" he said.

"Super… anyone else?" Chuck asked more than a little disinterested.

"I would like to nominate the trio of Henchy, Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat, and Steve Newman from Canada," said a mysterious figure in a blue, hooded cloak.

"What a second," Chuck said alarmed," Who are you?!"

"I am The Crazy Talk Kid," I said calmly.

"You mean the author of this crappy story?!" said Phobos who immediately got struck by lightening.

"Yes, that The Crazy Talk Kid," I said and then continued," So, those three are your new leaders… RIGHT?"

"Yes!" spoke everyone fearing the power of the author.

"Excellent," I said and then handed a piece of paper to Hay Lin and then walked through a portal, but before I did I said," Phobos, any more smart ass comments and you get the lightening again."

"Hey author guy," Cedric said yelling up at the sky," I'm pretty sure Phobos just said something stupid."

"Did not!" Phobos retorted but got struck with lightening anyway.

"Um… excuse me everyone our new leaders want to talk," Chuck said and then stepped aside from the podium as the trio walked up to it.

"Alright everybody raise your right hand," Hay Lin said still disguised as Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat," Your other right hand Phobos (he gets struck by lightening yet again). Now repeat after me: I."

"I," they all repeat.

"Your name."

"Your name."

"Shmucks…" Hay Lin says under her breath and then continues normally," Pledge allegiance."

"Pledge allegiance."

"To Henchy, Steve Newman from Canada, and Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat."

"To Henchy, Steve Newman from Canada, and Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat."

"And to the evil for which they stand." Hay Lin finished her recitation from the piece of paper.

"And to the evil for which they stand."

"Now go do that voodoo… that you do, so well!" Steve said and then started laughing evilly.

"But what do we do it too?" Chuck asks.

"Uh…" Steve responds.

"We destroy the… open field down the road," says Raven disguised as Henchy. The evil villains look at each other and collectively shrug and go down the road following Raven, Hay Lin, and Steve Newman from Canada.

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**Hey, my first fanfic with my favorite person of all time in it… me!!!**

**Thanks to my two ever faithful reviewers CCRox4Eva and Guardian's Light.**

**If you read this story… PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Hay Lin, Steve, and Raven were leading their new group of "friends" towards the "empty" field to "destroy" it. Phobos naturally got struck by lightening several times. When they arrived at the field, nobody was there.

"So this is the field you want us to destroy Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat," asked a Predator.

"Um… yeah," she tells him and then whispering to Raven and Steve," Where did everybody go?!"

"Maybe they went to Canada to find me, a," Steve said.

"I have to say two things to that Steve," Raven says rather annoyed," One you're worse than Beast Boy and two, who would ever want to go to Canada?!"

"Well… that one guy might go to Canada!" Steve said.

"What one guy?" asks a very skeptic Raven.

"You know… that…" He faltered and changed the subject," I am not as bad as Beast Boy."

"Boss," says a Napoleon Dynamite fan," We have company."

The largest and most diverse group of heroes ever assembled walked out from behind trees, holes in the air and ground, and appeared out of nowhere to face the forces of evil. Overall, they were pretty evenly matched.

"You filthy heroes can never defeat our glorious leaders," says Frost with a funny hat on his head.

"Well actually," Hay Lin says and our three heroes jump over to the heroes side with some crazy ninja moves," We're heroes in disguise."

"I am not Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat but…" she took off her fake mustache and top hat," Hay Lin of the Guardians!"

"I am not Henchy, but Raven of the Teen Titans," Raven said and took off her fake horns.

"I am not Steve Newman from Canada, but Steve Newman from Canada," he said and just stood there with his hands on his hips.

"I hate you so much right now Newman," Raven said with a look of disgust on her face.

"You're really good guys," says a blubbering Tracker," I thought we were going to prom together Chinese Girl with Mustache and Top Hat."

"Why would you think that?" asked a very confused Hay Lin.

"Well you said so at the…" Tracker stops as it dawns on him and runs back to the hotel yelling," I'm going to kill you Miranda, you traitorous little bug!!!"

"That was weird," I said. Everyone there, good or evil, whipped their head around to look at me. Phobos cowered down and wet himself in fear, good times indeed.

"How it going CTK?" asks Blunk walking up to me.

"Pretty good my smelly friend," I look him up and down," What did you do with the Darth Vader costume?"

"Blunk let his uncle Yoda borrow it to mess with other Jedi," Blunk says grinning from ear to ear.

"Nice," I say and then look over at Phobos," Stand up, I'm not going to zap you with lightening any more you big baby."

"Really?" Phobos asks while sniveling and standing up.

"No," I say and he gets struck with lightening again.

"Why are you here, I thought you had stuff to do," Steve asks.

"That was only when I was writing the last chapter," I say matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

"I came here to decide who goes to the Black Hole of Eternal Torment and who gets to keep roaming around free," I say cheerily.

"How are you going to choose?" Cedric and Taranee ask at the same time. The two stare each other down. A Napoleon Dynamite fan asked too, but he mysteriously exploded because of his pure unholiness.

"Well which ever side gives me the best offer will be free and their side will rule over the other and the universe forever," I say.

"Really?" Will ask.

"Yes," I say.

"If you choose evil," Attila the Hun says," You can rule the universe with an iron fist and do whatever you want."

"Two things," I say," One: that is very tempting and two: what are you doing here? I thought only fictional evil characters were here."

"I came with Martha Stewart, who is real by the way," Attila responds.

"Sadly true," I sigh and then continue," Good's offer."

"Wait, why did you help us at the hotel if you're just going to do this anyway?" Ichigo Kurosake asks.

"Well my soul reaping friend," I say," I knew if I helped good then I would be able to get you all here. Now what's the offer."

"You can hang out with us and play video games and eat BBQ," Cyborg offers.

"Sounds like fun," I say and turn to evil again," Counter offer?"

"We will give you an army worth of the innocent sacrifices," Martha says with her eyes turning red and her voice becoming evil and scary.

"Uh…" I can't think of anything to say to that," Right. Okay, side of good you're in the lead… by a lot, what's your offer."

"I'll go out on a date with you," Cassidy from W.I.T.C.H. offers.

"Good wins by a land sli…" I stop as a little angel guy and a little devil guy appear on either shoulder.

"Whoa," Evil Me says," Sure she is hot, but with supreme evil power she would have to go out with us anyway."

"But that would be immoral and wrong," says Good Me.

"What would you know? You wear a dress!" Evil Me says.

"I wear robes you horned moron!" Good Me says as they throw down.

"Guys, I picked good, end of story," I say and then continue," But don't worry, I'll be doing a little evil."

"Okay," they say together and then disappear in puffs of smoke.

"What in the hell was that!?" asks a very confused Gandalf.

"They were the good and the evil side of my conscious," I tell him and then ask," I thought you were all knowing or something?"

"I know what it was, I just thought it was really random," Gandalf responds.

"If you think that is random, you should read the rest of the story," Chuck says.

"Okay," Gandalf says and skips off into the forest that just appeared out of nowhere.

"Now I will pick three bad guys to work for me," I say," And two will be Cedric and Chuck the Dark Lord of Activity Directing and somebody else."

"Please pick me," Orochimaru begs.

"Why should I pick you? You're pure evil!" I yell at him.

"Because I play the banjo," he says and then pulls a banjo out of nowhere and starts playing.

"Okay, you're in," I say impressed.

"Sweet," Orochimaru says.

"As for the rest of you…" I say and then wave my hand and all of the villains get sucked into the black hole… except for Phobos.

"I'm alive!" Phobos yells jumping into the air.

"True, but I wouldn't be too happy about that if I were you Phobos," I tell him smiling under my hood.

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Prologue:

Well things are now working out great. My three new lackeys are doing a good job and I am going out with Cassidy. Yay me. Steve Newman went back to Canada and nobody really cared. Best of all, Phobos was forced to work as the out house manager at the royal palace of Meridian. I gave Cedric the control that strikes Phobos with lightening and he uses it often. Good times.

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**As always, I would like to thank my reviewers CCRox4Eva, Guardian's Light, and z-nadka-zak. Thanks to everybody else who read but didn't review, kinda. If you read this story, please review or I'll eat your brain or just be very upset.**

**I don't own any characters except for myself and Steve Newman.**


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